


No Such Thing as Over You

by inabodycastofglass



Category: Tales of the Abyss
Genre: Breakup, College, F/M, Roommates, Title from a Sara Bareilles song, moder day AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:33:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 6,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24677731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inabodycastofglass/pseuds/inabodycastofglass
Summary: Five years after going to school abroad, Asch moves into an apartment with Luke, and, to his surprise, Natalia.
Relationships: Asch the Bloody/Natalia Kimlasca-Lanvaldear
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For my wonderful wife. Things will get better.

It had been five years since Asch had been to the house he’d spent the first fifteen years of his life in. He knew everything about this house, from the hidden crawl space in the basement, to the four layers of wallpaper covering the musty green led paint in the attic. But spending the last five years at a boarding school in England meant that this was no longer home.

So he asked his mother to help him find a new apartment, close enough to the city to commute to the new job he was looking for every day.

That was how he wound up signing onto the last six months of Luke’s lease, and working part time in the back room of a TJ Maxx.

Sunday morning he carried the first of three loads up to the fourth floor. He kicked the door, unable to shuffle his things to free up a hand.

The door opened, and at the sound of a surprised gasp, he nearly dropped everything.

“Let me take some of that.” Natalia took the top box from him, giving him a smile once they could see each other.

What was she doing here?

“Your room’s at the end of the hall. Follow me.”

On the way to his new room, they passed an open door with a queen sized bed right in the middle, draped in a light blue canopy.

No.

“Here it is.”

Asch followed her voice to a bare room, a little more than half the size of the other one.

“Sorry it’s so small. Luke gave me the biggest one so I wouldn’t have to get a new bed. Your bed was delivered yesterday. It’s in a box the corner. Is this everything?”

“The rest is in the car.” His face felt wooden. It felt wrong to speak, like a recorded response she’d paid a pound for. He was going to absolutely murder Luke for keeping Natalia living here a secret from him.

“I’ll help you carry them. Most people here are nice, but I wouldn’t bet that your stuff will be safe unattended for too long.”

Asch braced himself on the wall after she left. He wasn’t expecting to see Natalia for a few days at least. Just looking at her was too much. But what really got to him was the way she smelled. She still used the same lavender and chamomile shampoo. How did he still remember it?

After a moment, he clenched his jaw and pushed himself up, and followed her to his car,

* * *

Later, as afternoon fell into evening, an hour after Natalia had gone out, Luke came home.

Asch stormed into the living room to meet him, face red. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

Mouth dry, Asch motioned sharply in the direction of Natalia’s room.

“Oh.” Luke turned away to hang his coat up. “I didn’t think it mattered. You broke up five years ago. She’s moved on, I thought you would have, too. Isn’t that why you’re back?”

Asch’s stomach sank. It felt like it had completely left his body. Natalia had moved on. Of course she’d moved on. It had been five years. They’d been in high school.

“Why did you two break up, again?”

Asch stared at the wall with unfocused eyes, the tips of his fingers numb. He honestly couldn’t even remember.


	2. Chapter 2

As if having to live with his spoiled brother and his ex wasn’t bad enough, Asch had been put on the wait list for his second safety school, so he had to spend the fall semester when not working stuck at the apartment.

And even worse, Luke’s girlfriend was nearly always over.

Tear was intelligent, athletic, and a skilled singer. She was a music major, training for the opera. She was so far out of Luke’s league it was a wonder they existed in the same reality. What on earth did she see in him?

The first time Tear had come over, Asch had opened the door. She’d gone in for a kiss, shocking him. He’d shoved her into the wall on the other side of the hall, panicked. She’d looked hurt for a moment before figuring out what had happened.

Tear cleared her throat red down to her neck. “You must be Asch. I apologise. I thought you were Luke."

Slow on the uptake, as the obvious was clearly impossible, Asch snapped, “Why would you be kissing him?”

It was not his finest moment.

When Natalia came home about twenty minutes later she kissed Tear’s cheek. “Are you all right? You look pale.”

Asch couldn’t hear Tear’s response, but he saw her glance at him through his open door, and it made Natalia laugh.

It was like a cruel joke, what that laugh could still do to his stomach after all these years, even when it was at him.


	3. Chapter 3

Once a month Luke and Natalia hosted a game night at the apartment. It was Natalia’s idea, to keep everyone close, despite classes and work. It was made up of Tear, Noel, Anise and Ion (both of whom Natalia used to babysit), and, worst of all, Guy.

“Asch. come join us,” prompted Natalia from his doorway. “We need one more to make it an even number.”

“Don’t bother, Natalia,” Luke called. “Let him sulk, we’re about to draw numbers.”

It was Guy’s laugh more than Natalia’s exhausted sigh that got him out of his chair.

“Great. Add an eight,” she called.

The pairs came out to Asch and Ion, Tear and Anise, Luke and Noel, and Natalia and Guy.

The latter high-fived, a motion Asch had never seen her make. They seemed to be some sort of power team based on the way Luke, Noel, and Anise groaned when they were paired.

Asch’s teammate moved to his side so quietly that Asch hadn’t noticed until he spoke up, distracting him from glaring at Guy, who didn’t seem to notice. “I’m afraid I’m not very good at most of these games. I’m sorry if I hold you back.”

What was he supposed to say to that?

“You’ll do fine.”

The game was soda pong. Asch learnt very quickly he couldn’t have had a partner less like himself. Ion’s problem wasn’t that he was bad at the game, but that he had no drive to win, especially against Anise. The only reason they won that first round was because she was five-one and too short to get a good look at their cups.

They lost against Luke and Noel. It didn’t bother Asch much because he’d only missed one toss to Luke’s three.

Losing to Natalia and Guy was humiliating and infuriating. Every round he performed worse while Natalia played her third perfect game, and Guy only missed two. While Ion was congratulating them, the two actually hugged.

Asch’s body screamed to fight, his fists clenching, pulse quick in the backs of his hands. He stormed off to his room.

“I’m sorry,” said Ion. “It’s my fault for playing so poorly.”

“No, this has nothing to do with you,” Natalia reassured. “Please excuse me for a moment.”

Natalia came into his room without knocking, something she’d never done, even when they were dating. She considered it disrespectful, which said a lot about how she felt about Asch at the moment.

“What are you doing?” He snapped as she shut the door behind her.

“We need to have a talk, and I don’t want everyone to hear.” She crossed her arms and glared at him, her feet planted evenly, like she was prepared for a fight.

Asch mirrored her.

“This has got to end. Luke and I have been going out of our way to include you in everything we’ve done; when we go out, watch TV or movies, tonight with our friends; and you’ve been impossible.”

“I don’t want to be included. I want the rest of this lease to be over so I can leave.”

“Do you think this has been easy on me?” Natalia’s voice hitched.

He stalled.

“Living with you has been hard on me, as well, Asch. You weren’t the only one hurt by our breakup, and I didn’t get to run away after. I had to live with everyone asking me where you’d gone, why we’d broken up, if I was okay, every day, for months. How was I supposed to explain that you’d dumped me because you decided you couldn’t trust me to be faithful. You all but accused me of cheating, then dumped me and left the country, refusing to speak to me for five years. So, no, I’m not entirely okay with you living here. But I deal with it, because we’re adults.”

She wiped the tears from her eyes, fixing her posture. “Now, you will apologise to Ion before he leaves tonight. He’s a very kind boy who doesn’t deserve being treated the way he was, and a child, need I remind you. And I expect an effort to be more mature from now on. I will not continue to be treated this way in my own home.”

She stormed back out without waiting for a response. She expected Asch to heed her commands.

What choice did he have? Natalia was always right.

Asch stumbled back to fall onto his bed. He remembered clearly now why they had broken up, and it was entirely his fault, every bit of it.


	4. Chapter 4

Asch had never been the affectionate sort, but two years of a long distance with Natalia was hard, only having holidays and summers together. If she had gone to a normal high school, the two of them would have only had to sustain themselves on late night phone calls for one year, but the high school she’d picked was only for Sophomores through seniors, and it was one of the best in the north-west, so Asch had pressed for her to go.

But now he was here, unpacking his things in the private dorm his mother had paid extra for, mentally preparing for orientation that evening. He and Natalia were going to spend a bit of alone time together before the campus tour, and he didn’t want to spend the entire time distracted

His phone buzzed, and he leapt for it.

Natalia: Five minutes. Meet me downstairs. And don’t forget to change into your uniform.

He scowled. He’d forgotten about the uniform. Why did fancy schools always have uniforms? The thing was itchy.

Though five minutes later when he saw Natalia in hers, he thought they might not be so bad. Each year had a different colour, so hers was a blue skirt that she paired with a white button up. They weren’t colours he was looking forward to wearing, but the light tones, like every colour, made her glow.

Asch never really felt his age, unless he was with Natalia, or talking to Natalia, or thinking about Natalia. He acted fifteen, of course, but he’d always felt a little bit like an adult.

Seeing Natalia walking toward him after only a week since she’d left made his head feel light. This was his girlfriend.

Natalia kissed him, and he couldn’t breathe.

When she came back into focus, she was beaming, mirroring the way he felt, but didn’t have any way of expressing.

Natalia wrapped her arm around his, holding his hand. “Let’s go get some lunch. I’ll show you the best place within walking distance.”

They were half way through their meal when a group interrupted them. Asch didn’t pay too much attention to their conversation with Natalia until he was dragged in.

“You must be the boyfriend, Luke.”

Natalia’s hand was on his arm before he could respond. “Asch. Luke is his brother.”

“Oh, sorry.” She did seem like she meant it. Still, it didn’t do anything for Asch’s now crumbling mood.

“Asch, these are my teammates; Jenny, Erica, and Nate.”

Asch nodded as politely as he could.

“Well, we should be going,” said Jenny, pulling Erica, the one who’d called him Luke, away. “We have to pick up my car from the mechanic.”

Natalia laughed at a joke Asch didn’t get, and waved them goodbye.

“Why did she call me Luke.”

Natalia gave him an exasperated look. “Because I’ve talked about both of you, and Erica’s terrible with names and faces. She called me Natalie for the first three months we were on the team.”

Right. Asch took a breath. “Sorry.”

“It’s all right. These last two years haven’t been easy for me, either. I kept expecting to come home to learn you’d found someone else.”

“You expected me to be the one to find someone else?”

Natalia laughed and kissed him, and Asch wondered if living within a block of her would mean he’d get used to kissing her, or if she would always have the ability to light up his skin this way.

There was a beeping, and Natalia jumped back, gasping. “The tours! I’m supposed to be leading one. We have to go.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You got this, my love.

Two weeks into the semester it already felt like Asch and Natalia were still long distance. Every student was required to sign up for a club and a sport on top of their classes. So they were busy every day after school. Asch had wanted to join Natalia’s extra curriculars, but neither theatre, nor cheerleading would have been manageable for him.

He joined the swim team and the orchestra.

They only saw each other on the weekends, and for most of their time together Asch was helping Natalia with her audition for a role that would take up all her free time.

It was fine. Next semester he would switch to a sport her team would cheer for, then at least all of Natalia’s attention wouldn’t be directed toward everyone but him.

Having never been very good at making friends, Asch spent a lot of time with Natalia’s friends just to spend time with her, though he was pretty sure it was supposed to be the other way around.

Her friends frequently forgot he was there, and a few of them had very loose lips.

“Guy asked about you again,” said Rosie suggestively. It was not the first time this “Guy” was brought up.

What kind of a name was “Guy” anyway?

“Tell him I’m sorry, but I just don’t have time anymore.” Natalia tapped one of Asch’s homework answers, telling him it was wrong. “I can’t let my grades drop. You know how strict the school is when it comes to the student council. I can’t run if I don’t have a three-point-five or higher.”

Asch looked up at her. She hadn’t said anything about running for student council., and knowing Natalia, she was aiming for president.

That was something a person usually discussed with her very nearly long distance, semi-long term boyfriend, wasn’t it?

After that, Asch didn’t spend much time with Natalia’s friends.


	6. Chapter 6

The pep rally before their first school’s first football game was mandatory; a teacher stood outside the door to the gym and checked names. While Asch normally skipped these things, he would have gone to this one voluntarily as the cheer team practically ran it.

That didn’t stop it from being greatly annoying. At his last school most of the student body were apathetic about school spirit, since they were forced to attend. Here everyone was serious; they really thought they were the best.

Asch found a spot at the back and put on his headphones, and waited for Natalia.

When she came out, he understood why she spent so much time at practice. She was phenomenal. He knew she was something called a flier, but he had no idea how literal that term was. Or, and he did his best to shove down his feelings about this, how much time her male teammates spent looking up her skirt.

It wasn’t sexual. He didn’t think they were even looking. It was just to make sure she was upright. It was their job in order to keep her safe. It was just his jealousy, and the knowledge that these boys knew his girlfriend better than he ever would.

When they finished, and Natalia scanned the bleachers for him, Asch schooled his face and did his best to smile. When she found him, she grinned and waved both arms as she skipped off the court, hyped up on adrenalin.

When they were gone, he made his way to the back doors to sneak out.


	7. Chapter 7

Asch met Guy the week before they left for Thanksgiving when he brought one of Natalia’s friends' car to campus for her. The girls around them were tittering like birds performing a mating dance. Guy, however, only gave more than a polite smile to Natalia, and Asch wasn’t imagining it. Nate felt the need to point it out, and everyone laughed.

But that wasn’t unusual. People always liked Natalia, ever since second grade. What mattered was that Natalia never liked them back. She had always turned them down, almost inhuman in her eloquence.

Except she did nothing to dissuade Guy. Instead she offered him a ride back to his shop.

She was just being nice, he reasoned. But then she didn’t kiss him goodbye. Natalia always kissed him goodbye, even if she had to run. Except now, with Guy here.

Natalia waved to him.

While Asch waited in his room that night, ignoring the text from his mum asking if he needed a ride home on Friday, he drafted a good night message to Natalia, over and over. He wanted to find some way of letting her know how he felt without letting her know how he felt. He wanted to let her know how much he wanted her to succeed and do everything that she wanted to do, and shine the way that she was always meant to, but also that he missed her, and wanted to be a real couple. He’d come here for her.

But Asch couldn’t manage anything that didn’t sound sarcastic or passive aggressive, so he just said,

_ Will I be seeing you before curfew? _

_ Not tonight. Guy locked his keys inside the garage . I’m helping him get them before he gets in trouble with his boss. I’ll see you at breakfast. _

He bit his cheek until it bled to keep his petty response at bay, eventually turning his phone off and tossing it on his pile of dirty clothes in the corner.

He didn’t sleep well that night.


	8. Chapter 8

Finally the winter holiday was here. A month with Asch’s family and Natalia. They left Friday afternoon for their four hour drive home, just the two of them.

It was different, listening to Natalia talk in this closed private space. It was all the same things she normally talked about; school, cheer and theatre, and student counsel; but here, without the possibility of interruption, he wasn’t on edge, waiting for someone to steal her away. Listening to Natalia was relaxing.

Just before they got off the interstate, Asch was asleep.

* * *

Because Asch’s mum and Natalia’s dad were second generation childhood friends, their families spent Christmas Eve together every year

Asch had spent the last seven months saving every penny of his allowance to buy Natalia her present. As he made his parents wait so he could make sure the wrapping on the box was absolutely perfect, his hands shook with adrenalin. The last time he’d been this nervous was when he was twelve and asking Natalia to be his girlfriend.

Finally he gave into his mother’s threats to leave without him, and slipped the small box into his pocket.

* * *

After the usual greetings were done, Asch pulled Natalia aside, giving her her present in private, to avoid his mother’s crooning and Luke’s teasing.

She gasped when she saw the twenty-four karat gold necklace. It had a pendant of two arrows crossed over each other with her name engraved on one hanging from a gold chain. He’d thought about putting his name on the other, but didn’t want to be presumptuous. He also hadn’t got the money in time.

“Help me put it on?”

It felt intimate, his fingers at her neck, her hair brushing against his knuckles. It took a few tries to get the clamp open long enough to attach it.

“Wait here,” she said when he was finished. She ran to her room and returned with a similar box to his.

Inside was a silver ring with red topaz. He didn’t know how to feel about it. In the past Natalia had got him books, mostly poetry. Asch couldn’t see himself wearing this.

Natalia took his fingers in hers, tilting the ring so he could see the inside. It was inscripted with their names with a heart between them.

Asch kissed her, pushing up on his toes to close the two inches between them. It was the first time he’d felt connected to her in a year. It was chaste and quiet like the first kiss at the end of one of Natalia’s teen romance movies. Asch’s breath came quick and his skin was electric and alive.

Natalia laced their fingers together and led him to the living room in front of the fire where she curled up beside him on the couch.


	9. Chapter 9

Asch laid in bed, thinking as he waited for Natalia’s party to clear out. He’d apologised to Ion when the small boy had used the bathroom, but he still had one more, far harder thing to do before sleeping.

He waited until the apartment was quiet except for the quiet sound of Natalia getting ready for bed in the room next to his. He braced himself and went to her door.

For a moment she didn’t answer his knock, then she said a quiet, “come in.”

Asch paused, watching her back, her slumped shoulders, and the way her hands focused on the sides of her face for too long. “Are you crying?”

She jumped up, startled, and turned to face him.

She was dressed in a short cotton night dress that drew Asch’s eyes unconsciously to her thighs. He went hot.

He turned around, nose to the wall, while he listened to her moving behind him. It occurred to him that this was the most intimate situation they’d ever been in.

“Okay, I’m decent.”

It was another moment before Asch could turn around. He focused on evening his breathing, despite his racing heart.

Natalia had donned a silk robe that did little to cover herself, but the way she held her shoulders back and her chin high made the situation feel a bit more normal. “I’m sorry about that. I thought you were Luke.”

Asch scowled. “You let Luke see you in your underwear?”

“Since neither Luke, nor I have ever seen each other as anything more than friends, yes, he’s seen me in my night dress,” she snapped. “Now what do you want?”

Asch huffed, running his hand through his hair. He was already screwing this up. “I’m sorry.” The words came out like they were dragged, kicking and screaming. He swallowed. “I know I’m bad at dealing with my emotions. I’m working on it.” He’d spent five years working on it, then he came back, and reverted back into a petulant teenager. He thought he’d put everything behind him, thought he’d put Natalia behind him.

“Okay.” She sat down at her vanity again. “Just try not to take your anger out on us anymore. It’s not fair, and we’re all too old for it.”

“I didn’t mean for tonight.”

She glared at him, crossing her arms and her legs. “Oh?”

He took a deep breath, grounding himself. “I meant for before.” Was he sweating? Why was this so hard? “Before I left. I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

Asch made sure the door was still open before sitting on her bed. “When I started at your school, I had,” he gripped his hands in front of him, “expectations about how things would go. I thought we would have a real relationship, but you seemed completely uninterested.” He pushed his shame out like bile. He’d never intended to tell her this, to tell anyone. “Everything else was so important, I- we didn’t even register. And then Guy came into the picture, and he liked you, and you were giving him all this attention.”

Natalia came to sit beside him. “There has never been anything between Guy and me. We’re friends. Guy has one of those personalities where it seems like he’s flirting with everyone, but he’s just nice. And he was nineteen, too old for me. As for acting like a real couple, I was reserved for you, because you were so shy. If I had known you wanted more, I would have gladly obliged.” She sighed. “Though I supposed letting me know would have been difficult for you.”

“Your life was so busy already. I didn’t want to get in the way.”

“Asch.” Natalia sighed deeply, wrapping an arm around one of the bed posters, leaning on it. “You were part of my life, a big part. There was always space for you.”

Arguments surfaced - What about cheer, her play, and friends? What about the student council? But Asch had made the decision not to fight.

He stood, turning away from her. “Goodnight, Natalia.”

She was still for a moment before returning to her vanity. “Goodnight, Asch.”

He left, closing the door behind him.


	10. Chapter 10

Asch got his wish after that. He was left alone. For a month no one even talked to him. Every day was the same; he went to work, he came home from work, he went to his room. After a couple weeks, he lost track of the days. His only reference to time passing was how awful he felt.

One evening - Night? The sun was setting too early to tell - Natalia knocked on his door. “Asch? May I come on?” She paused before opening his door. “Asch, are you awake?” Another pause. “Your mother called. She’s worried about you. She says you’re supposed to be taking meds?” She took a few steps toward him. “Why did you stop taking your meds?”

With a sigh he turned over to face her. “I need a psychiatrist here to approve and prescribe them.”

“Well, do you need help setting that up?”

“I’m not a child. I can manage on my own.”

Natalia fought back her frustration. “This isn’t about you being a child. You’re depressed. It’s okay to need help.”

Slowly Asch pushed himself to his feet, like that would prove her wrong. “I said I can do it.”

Natalia’s face had turned visibly pink in the dark room. “You’re impossible.” She pressed lightly on his shoulder, knocking him back onto the bed. “I have known you since you were five-years-old, Asch FonFabre, and I know when you’re puffing out your feathers. And let me tell you, trying to be all independent and whatever else this little show is, is infantile. Now, I’m going to call the hospital tomorrow and schedule an appointment for you, and I will be driving you to and from, because I don’t trust you to go on your own.”

She stared at him, her hands on her hips. “Well?”

In a pathetic attempt at defiance he flopped back onto his bed, facing the wall. “Fine.”

“Good.” She strode out, shutting the door behind her, leaving Asch in darkness.

His chest hurt.


	11. Chapter 11

“Luke, will you help me, please?” Natalia rushed into the living room, a little frantic. “I'm going to be late. Which should I wear?”

Asch, who had a bit more energy thanks to his meds, left his place in front of the fridge where he’d been staring at nothing for the last minute to see what was going on.

Natalia was wearing her robe, holding up two dresses, a short blue one, and a low cut red one.

Luke looked uncomfortable. “I don’t know.”

“Well, what would you have Tear wear?”

Luke had turned unpleasantly red. “I don’t think Tear would wear either of those.”

“Oh, you’re hopeless. Asch-” She turned to him before cutting herself off and turning her back to him. “I’ll ask Anise.” She went back to her room.

“What was that about?” He asked.

Luke, on his phone like he usually was when alone, didn’t spare him a glance. “She has a date tonight.”

It was almost impressive how Luke managed to punch him right in the chest with so little thought.

Of course Natalia was dating people. She was a twenty-one-year-old woman, of course she wanted someone to spend her time with, to give and receive affection.

He stopped outside her room on the way to his own. After a moment of hesitance, he knocked on her door.

“Yes? Oh, Asch.” She paused for him to speak, but his voice froze. “What is it?”

“The blue one,” he muttered. “Wear the blue one.”

“Oh.” She glanced away. “Thank you.”

He nodded, and before he could embarrass himself further, returned to his room.


	12. Chapter 12

Asch went out that night, not to do anything fun, because there was nothing for a twenty-year-old in America to do at night, unless he found a house party with nauseating, cheap alcohol and blackout drunks.

When he got home at one Natalia was still up, sitting on the couch, still in her blue dress with a half finished glass of wine, staring at nothing.

Like a masochist, he sat down on the other side of the couch and asked, “how did your date go?”

She held up her glass with a wry half grin in answer. Taking a deep drink she pulled her leg up beside her, turning to him. “You know, my friends have been setting me up with perfectly respectable men for almost four years, and none have gone past the third date. I just can’t manage to connect with any of them.” She swirled the last swig of wine in her glass. “What’s wrong with me?”

Thankfully she didn’t seem to want an answer, because Asch had none.

“It’s stupid, so stupid, because we were in high school, but I was so convinced we were going to be together forever. I thought you were the one.”

Asch couldn’t breathe. He looked up at her, but she didn’t return his gaze. He tried to speak, try to say any of the hundred thoughts he had. Instead he asked, “how much have you had to drink?”

She held up her glass again. “About a glass. I’m not even tipsy. It’s just one in the morning and I’m tired of keeping all this from you.”

“Me too,” Asch blurted out. He knew it wasn’t fair to say this when she was being vulnerable this way, but he didn’t know when else he would be able to tell her. “My whole life I thought the same thing.”

She sighed harshly. “Asch, it wasn’t just me liking you. I was in love with you. I thought you were my soulmate.”

Asch moved to sit beside her. He took her glass and set it on the table. “Natalia, I-” He choked. His heart pounded so hard he heard it in his ears. He took her hand in his shaking one. He hated being like this, but he could be as vulnerable for her, he needed to. “I still love you.”

There was a war behind her eyes. They shifted until they landed on something between hope and fear. “You do?”

“I never stopped.”

He waited another moment before he moved closer to her, just an inch. She didn’t flinch or pull back. He kissed her.

Natalia kissed him back, and they kissed with five years of pain and confusion, and for the first time Asch realised just how much he missed her. She was like a returned limb.

“Asch, stop.”

He pulled back, his head reeling. “What? What’s wrong?” Had he ruined this the way he ruined everything?

“No, it’s just,” she bit her lip, “we’re in the living room.”

‘What? Oh.” He felt hot. He glanced to Natalia’s room unconsciously. “Are you sure?”

She nodded. There was no pause. Asch lost his breath.

Natalia moved out from under him, taking him by the hand, and guided him to her room.

They stalled outside the open door for a moment, breathing, looking at each other.

“Are you ready?” Natalia asked.

Asch kissed her.

She led him into her room, and Asch closed the door behind them.


	13. Chapter 13

Asch woke late the next morning feeling rested for the first time in years, the memory of that early morning still close enough to touch. Natalia lay beside him, using his numb arm as a pillow. He could feel her breathing under his arm draped lightly over her waist.

With only a moment of hesitance he scooted closer to her, pulling her flush against his chest, waking her.

“Asch?"

He kissed her shoulder. “Yes?”

She crawled out of bed, pulling the sheet with her. She kept her back to him, but she couldn’t hide her stiff shoulders, or the way she used that sheet to hide herself.

Asch’s stomach dropped. “Natalia? What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry.” Her voice cracked. “I’m sorry. Last night was a mistake. I’m sorry.”

Asch sat up, the blanket falling to his hips. He pulled it up self consciously. “What?”

“I was tired and hasty. We shouldn’t have.”

“Natalia.” He stood, wrapping the blanket around his waist. “Where is this coming from?” Last night had felt so right. Was he the only one who felt that?

She turned to him, her face covered in tears, and her eyes turning red. She took a shaking breath. “I don’t trust you.”

It was like she’d shot him. He stared at her dumbfounded. “What?”

Rage flared through him. “You don’t trust me?”

Natalia flinched. “You’ve shown the same jealousy as before you left. The only difference is that we’ve spent this entire time fighting.”

“Fine.” Asch dropped the blanket, all his curves gone. If she was going to yank him around this way, he was done. They were done. He picked up all his clothes and stormed back to his room, slamming her door, then his.


	14. Chapter 14

Things between Asch and Natalia were tense enough after that, that even Luke noticed. Asch heard him ask Natali about it the next night, but she gave him a nothing answer, and for once he had enough tact not to bother Asch about it.

A week passed with Natalia flinching every time he walked into the room and averting her eyes whenever he looked at her.

It made Asch want to be cruel toward her. He wanted to rub Natalia’s choice in. He wanted to make her hurt the way she’d made him hurt.

But he couldn’t manage. Every time the urge bubbled up, his stomach filled with guilt, and the words stuck in his throat.

He still loved her, and now that he’d had a taste of what could have been, he couldn’t stay here anymore.

He called his mother the night he’d realised this, asking for her help again, trying to explain without telling her about Natalia. She might have been nearly as crushed about their breakup as the two of them were. It was best not to get her hops up.

When he finished, he looked up to see Natalia standing in his doorway, her messenger bag in her hand. “You’re leaving?”

“I’ll be paying the fee to remove myself from the lease on Friday when I get paid.”

She stared at him, lips parted, before shaking her head. “Were you going to say something this time, or just disappear again?”

“It’s going to take me an entire day to move out. You would have noticed.”

She glared at him. “But you’re leaving.”

Asch got to his feet, his chest swelling with heat. “Yes, I’m leaving, because you slept with me, then told me you didn’t trust me. How am I supposed to stay here when every time I look at you I’m reminded of that?”

She held his furious gaze with her own for several seconds, until she broke into tears. She pushed her palms into her eyes, curling forward. “I want to trust you, more than anything. I’m trying. But I can’t if you leave.”

Asch turned away from her, running his hands through his hair. He tried to block out the sound of her crying, but it only grew louder in his head.

“God damnit!” He spun on his heel and took her into his arms.

Natalia cried into his shoulder, burying her face in his shirt.

“Don’t cry,” he said when he’d calmed down enough not to snap. “I hate seeing you cry.”

It only made her cry harder, making him sigh.

“Look, if you can figure out how we’re supposed to continue on from here, I’ll consider not leaving, okay?”

Natalia took several shuddering breaths. “Really?”

“Really. Just please stop crying.”

She took another breath, swallowing thickly, and nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Asch stepped back, looking away from her. Seeing her cry made his insides twist. “Go take a bath and do whatever routine you do with all those bottles. You don’t want to look like you were crying during your lecture tomorrow.”

Natalia stared at him for a moment. “You know my schedule?”

Asch’s stomach knotted with a different kind of nerves. “You’re very structured. It’s easy to remember.”

Natalia’s, “oh,” was almost inaudible. There was another beat before she turned to leave.

She stalled at the doorway before muttering, “thank you,” and left.


	15. Chapter 15

A couple days later Asch had his college interview to start spring semester. It was cutting it close, but there were a lot of applicants, and it was the soonest they could fit him in.

It didn’t go well.

Asch hated interviews. If he could get by on the merits of his application alone, he would be fine, but every time he had to talk to someone he came off as less than impressive.

He sat under a tree near the back parking lot with his headphones on while he waited for his shift at work to start only two miles away.

It was a large campus, but everyone was so busy rushing from one side to the other due to poor planning for any of them to give Asch a passing glance. That was something he missed about the city, the way people kept to themselves.

Someone tapped his shoulder, and he took off his headphones to snap at Natalia.

He fixed his expression into a less cold one. “What do you need?”

“I tried calling you three times. You’re going to go deaf. I wanted to know if you wanted to get lunch while you’re here?”

“No. I don’t feel like tagging along with you and your friends.”

Her eyes widened just slightly. “No, it would just be me. My friends are going to class.”

There was a long moment where something passed in the silence between them. Asch licked his lips.

“I still don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Oh.” Natalia backed up a step. “I see. Okay. Well, I’ll see you back home.”

“Right.”

Asch left first, deciding to wait at work instead.


End file.
